Oh, I forgot....Mommy doesn't get sick.

I can barely even speak to my husband lately.

We've ALL had the flu. It happens. He's been home with the kids, and sick some of the time. I've been very good with coming home, doing half days, letting him sleep in by working later shifts.

What do I get for all this?

Sweet fuck all.

Do I get to sleep in? HA! He works overnights 3 times a week. He couldn't possibly get up early some day so I can get some rest, despite the fact that I tell him to take naps when I'm around, and go out of my way to let him sleep. Do I get to sit and be sick and whiny? NO. I get to listen to him complain about how he feels. He thinks, gee, I must handle being sick better then him. Heh. NO. Not a chance. But I have no one to complain too that gives a flying fuck, I can't sleep it off and get shit done, I have to go to work, so I just deal with it. I sit here feeling faint and shaking because there is no other choice.

And to top my fanfuckingtabulous week off, we had to do "professional" dress at work (we're normally casual-whatever that is). A year ago, not a big deal. At this point-a BIG fucking deal, since every single item of clothing I own, except for 4 shirts and 2 pairs of pants are OLDER THAN MY CHILDREN, and some items older than this relationship. And most of the "dressier" items, and falling apart, missing buttons, plain worn out. So I say I really need to buy some clothes, I have nothing to wear really, I've had nothing in a long time, I just had another baby, new clothes would be nice. I never do fuck all for me.

All he does is bitch about money, and how I'm always needing things.

Who quit smoking to save $300.00 a month? That would be me.

Who rarely, if ever buys anything for herself that can't be thrown in the grocery bill. yeah, me.

Who purchases 98% of the items for the kids. Ooh, good guess, ME.

Who spends around $75 every few weeks on comics. NOT ME. I spend about 40$ bi weekly on coffee and the odd lunch out. Oh, and some of that is spent in thrift stores for the kids.

Come on ladies-do you feel me on the clothes issue? I feel like such a fat ugly fucking beast lately, nothing makes me happy, I'm sick, I'm tired, I'm just plain sad and apathetic, and I get nothing from him but a report on the state of his bowels. I barely get two words past that. I come home early from work to mow the lawn and maybe spend 10 minutes with him before the kids are home and he just gets mad since the lawn mower is really loud, and will interfere with his noodling.

Oh, I'm sorry. Since I have almost ZERO time for me, I don't give two shits.

Oh, but you know what? I bet all these feelings I keep having oh, I dunno, every two fucking weeks or so about just getting a fucking divorce, these feelings are just hormones or the pill or something. It can't POSSIBLY be him being a fucking asscrap now could it.

The worst is, if I just tell him all this, he'd never just be there for me. There would be excuses, and promises to change, and more bullshit. And I'm finding that increasingly, I just don't fucking care...