Go ask Daddy.
I was sitting on the bus the other morning when a father and his son got on to go to the mall. And it was rather apparent that he was not around his son all the time (or maybe I inferred that-who knows). They started talking, and I began thinking of all the ways my husband and I are different with our kids. He can PLAY, while I tend to teach and explain.
And this got me to thinking some more. I have friends who grew up with moms, and no Dads, the opposite of my situation. One friend in particular always became quite incensed with ANYONE stating any theories along the lines of "kids need a Mommy and a Daddy". Although she becomes angry at that because a: her Dad is an ass and b: her mom ROCKS, and is a GREAT model of single parenting, I started thinking of it from a different angle.
I don't think kids necessarily need a MAN and a WOMAN. I think what they really need is two perspectives.
When you only have one parent, you only get one side of the story, one answer. No one ever says-"I dunno, go ask your Dad." You get one answer, and generally speaking, no argument. And I began to wonder if this causes some of the supposed "deficiencies" that kids have coming from single parent homes....
just a thought...
posted by thordora @ 11:57 AM
8 comments:
you just set me thinking... hmmm
but a dad and a mom is necessary for the full rounded growth dont you think?
no, I really don't. I think it's healthy for children to have people they can go to comfortably about somethings (most girls won't talk to their mom's about sex and stuff, but might an Aunt or a friends Dad or something.)
I don't necessarily think a "father" or a "mother" specifically imparts any benefits. Look at shitty parents. While I missed having a female's perspective in my life when I was younger, I discovered that throughout my life, certain older women became my role models for women. Not as "mom's", but as WOMEN.
I think that at the end of the day, a positive environment where people are loved, and demonstrating love is THE most important. Regardless of gender.
But it's also early, and I have NO coffee money, so I just might be talking out my butt. I know I'm not making the point I want to make.
They say in modern life friends are family, and I believe that could be true in the case of single parents too.
I'm curious to know wat kind of deficiencies u are talking abt. I come for a single mum and like ur fren not thinks that her father is an ass but knows he is the biggest ass living....anycases, nice blog u got here.
http://www.monyong.blog-city.com
stuff like this http://www.montana.edu/wwwpb/pubs/mt2000-08.html
-worse off, suffer depression, learning disabilities, lower educational achievements, increased likelihood of doing the same, drop out of school, get pregnant early,
I'm sure someone else has proved that kids without fathers also become flying monkeys who fling poo.
I think the problems with some of these studies is they confuse singleparent homes with people with no fathers. Yes, some homes with one parent aren't great, due to a lack of support. I find that some studies fail to prove the corrolations to my satisfaction.
And I ALSO think it's crap. I didn't have a mother, and I have difficulty forming relationships because she DIED, not because I didn't have her.
I always love the "historical" perspective. Because really, childhood in most income brackets did NOT exist until recently. Children worked, they were beaten into submission, and usually did not relate to a parent as we understand it. Fathers weren'' always home, since they'd be too busy fighting wars or working....AND biologically, it makes SENSE for the father to bugger off to spread his seed, so why would a "father" be a normal thing?
I agree with spark-IT TAKES A VILLAGE, regradless of gender....
What most of those studies fail to take in to account, is the child's relationship with the remaining parent, the reason for the other parent's absence, the relationship (if any) the child may have had with the other parent, how the remaining parent talked about the missing parent, and if the child had other positive role models of both sexes.(among other differces) Its not as simple as lumping all single parent families together, we are as diverse as two parent families and many of them also manage to raise screwed up kids. I should know I came from a two parent family, but am now a single mother myself. There are way too many variables between us to lump all single parents together.
Holly nailed it on the head.
Most single parent households, from the people I've known, and myself, do it BETTER.
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