How on earth...

do I let them go in 20 years?

How will I ever survive if something happens to one of them? Or worse, me? My mother died when I was 11, and I know how it affected me-how could I ever live with (or die with) the thought that I'm abandoning them?

Because I lost my mother, I will forever wait for the phone call telling me something is wrong. I love them so much it physically hurts, and I'm so afraid of having my heart utterly and totally broken if something was to happen. My heart has been broken in the past, but I've patched it together out of some strange will to live and keep growing. If something went wrong with them, I don't think it could be patched again.

But I made a decision that if the options are open my heart and take the chance, or never let my guard down and show them how I love them, that I'd rather the first. I want them to know, regardless of anything else, that I completely and totally loved them.